


Talk to The Moon

by wooschi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cancer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Non-Graphic Smut, kind of ooc, married verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 06:51:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12030480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wooschi/pseuds/wooschi
Summary: "Remember how Eunha loved the moon?" Hansol asks. Seungkwan laughs a bit. "Yeah. She said it was pretty, she would never stop staring at it through our window," He says, tenderly recalling the memory with a fond look in his eyes. "Well, whenever you feel lost without her, just talk to the moon. I'm pretty sure she will be able to hear you."AKA, Hansol and Seungkwan have an adopted 5 year old daughter who passes away from cancer.





	Talk to The Moon

**Author's Note:**

> idk i was feeling angsty and for the 110th time, I LOVE KID FIC AUS.
> 
> this was supposed to be post death, but i couldnt help but realize that if i didn't write the cancer establishment or whateves that this fic would only be 500 words and i would never post anything less then 1k wordcount. anyway.
> 
> sorry for not writing in any other member, i was thinking about it but it probably wouldn't fit
> 
> proof read? idk her

Hansol gives a heavy sigh, finally closing his laptop and rolling his chair back just a bit to lean backwards lazily and just have a moment of silence. He's been working all day, it just passed 9pm, five hours later then when he was supposed to end his work hours. But he's been taking longer shifts, mainly to get away from the deafening silence that swallowed him up at home. The intense loneliness he felt whenever he arrived there at 4pm and no one was there to greet him. It was unsettling, and very upsetting. He just needed a distraction from that.

Hansol just needed time to grieve over the death of his 5 year old daughter.

Eunha was adopted by not only Hansol, but by his husband Seungkwan as well, when she was only just a baby. He and Seungkwan had been married for two years before deciding they wanted kids. Their middle class home had an extra bedroom, and Seungkwan had always dreamed of having a child. That being medically impossible for males, they decided to adopt. Eunha was brought into the picture one year later, and she was the most perfect baby girl Hansol (and Seungkwan, of course) had ever seen.

Seungkwan absolutely adored her. He held her close all of the time, even when Hansol swore his arms must be tired. But Seungkwan loved spoiling their baby girl - she was their biggest prized possession! Her dark wispy hair and bright brown eyes stole his heart, of course Hansol did that years prior, but this was different. Eunha was their daughter, Hansol was his husband - the love for both were different but the feelings were the same. And Hansol felt content with his small but beautiful family.

Eunha had grown up to be very shy and kind - her heart was the biggest! Seungkwan continuously encourage her to come out of her shell, and though she laughed and smiled with her fathers, she still grew up to be more introverted. But that didn't mean either him or Seungkwan loved her any less.

By the age of four, Eunha had gotten a terrible fever. Prior to that, she didn't have much of an appetite and got bruises fairly easily. Seungkwan was very concerned, and when the fever hit, he immediately took her to the hospital with Hansol by his side. The nurses and doctors ran tests and drew blood, Hansol honestly wasn't that worried because kids got sick all the time, Eunha had probably just caught a bad plague from classmates. But Seungkwan was nearly pacing the hospital waiting room and Hansol tried to calm him down.

"Mr. and Mr. Choi?"

Seungkwan immediately stopped and turned to face a nurse. He looked solemn as he asked the distressed couple to follow him to Eunha's room, and that made Hansol's nerves bounce as Seungkwan clutched his hand.

Eunha was sitting on the hospital bed, a wire plugged into her arm, looking way too small. She still looked sickly but when she saw her parents, she perked up. Seungkwan had immediately rushed over to her side, and she cuddled closer into her fathers chest shyly.

"We've done some tests, drew some blood, checked her blood pressure, and," The doctor flipped through the papers on his clipboard. Hansol reached over to hold Eunha's small hand and Seungkwan rubbed his cheek on Hansol's shoulder. "From these results, it seems that Eunha has leukaemia. I'm terribly sorry."

And just like that, Hansol's whole world had stopped.

How could his small, young, shy, selfless Eunha have cancer? His heart felt like it was ripped from his chest as Eunha unknowingly held her father's hand and cuddled into her other father's chest, while Seungkwan, being the emotionally-ridden man he was, full on bursted into tears. Eunha was shaken, but she attempted to comfort her daddy by giving him pats and her small voice saying "don't cry, daddy." and Hansol nearly sobbed at the sight.

Of course Eunha doesn't know that what they've both just heard didn't just change their lives completely - she was so oblivious and so young and Hansol just wanted to take her and Seungkwan and hide at the end of the world and protect them both from the cruel reality. 

Chemotherapy began right away.

It was only leukaemia, children with this type of cancer usually tend to recover from it, right? It may take years of pain and drastic changes, but becoming cancer-free was all Seungkwan and Hansol wanted for their daughter. 

Eunha didn't really say anything when they spent a lot of time at the children's hospital, she had little knowledge about what she was going through. Seungkwan was effected by this a lot more then Hansol was, but that doesn't mean Hansol was any less - Seungkwan was just more vocal about his devastation. And Hansol understood. Seungkwan had built a bond with Eunha ever since she first came home with them that only the both of them knew, that only the both of them understood. 

The first time Eunha had to stay overnight at the hospital, it has been a few months into chemo, and that night, neither Seungkwan or Hansol slept. How could they when their daughter was alone at the hospital, her bedroom next to theirs empty? And they laid in bed, Seungkwan curled up with his back facing Hansol, who laid on his back and looked up at the dark ceiling.

He's noticed that since Eunha's been diagnosed, he and Seungkwan had become distant because their primary focuses were on Eunha. Their love had dwindled down, things were distant. And as Hansol laid in bed with his husband as their daughter was alone and practically dying slowly (he tried to remain positive that Eunha would recover, but tonight was a night where he had his doubts), his heart felt tarnished.

He wished that Eunha had never gotten sick. They would've still been a happy family, instead of a broken one. 

Hansol sat up a bit, disturbing Seungkwan who shifted just a bit. Hansol felt alone, and he shouldn't when his husband was laying next to him. So he reached over, placing a cold hand on Seungkwan's shoulder, forcing the older man to turn over.

"Boo?"

Hansol cringed at the helplessness in his voice, and Seungkwan tended to him, sitting up and pulling the younger boy to his chest. Hansol wrapped his arms around Seungkwan, closing his eyes as the world began to slowly rotate again, as his lungs poured the water out so he could breathe properly again.

"She'll make it. We'll make it." Seungkwan whispered, and Hansol felt his heart wrench as he pulled away. Instantly, he connected his lips with Seungkwan's - needing to feel something as Seungkwan kissed him back just as desperately. His head was spinning as he bit Seungkwan's lip.

As Hansol thrusted into Seungkwan, his shaky hands gripping the older man's thighs, Seungkwan scraping his nails down his back, his mind was hazy and blurred and when he looked down as his panting and moaning husband who had tears pooling in eyes, his heart felt full - Hansol felt something other then numbness.

Seungkwan sobbed when Hansol emptied himself inside of him, and Hansol fell onto the man and held him close. Seungkwan clutched onto Hansol, his whole body shaking with sobs. Hansol felt a wave of emotions hit him and he soothed his emotional husband. He loved Seungkwan. He loved Eunha. They were going to make it.

 

When Eunha's dark hair started thinning drastically, Hansol finally accepted that this was real. It wasn't just some joke - reality finally set in and their daughter had cancer. The chemotherapy was working, but not as well as the doctors expected. It scared Seungkwan and Hansol a lot.

But Eunha managed to stay Eunha. On good days, she smiled and laughed with not only Seungkwan or Hansol, but the nurses who were a constant in her battle. On bad days, which took up a huge portion of her life lately, she either sobbed, lethargically laid in bed, or slept her days away. She was also upset that her hair was coming out in clumps, it scared her but she didn't say much.

Seungkwan was calming down, he was no longer verbally distressed, but accepting the fact that this was their life now. Numerous hospital visits, being extra careful, Eunha not being able to start grade school because of chemo, mood swings from the little girl, and the emptiness in their hearts that was becoming bigger with every lack of improved update the doctors gave. It was disheartening, and Seungkwan still felt very upset, but with Hansol by his side, he felt much more at ease with Eunha.

On Eunha's 5th birthday, it was a chemo day, so they didn't have a birthday party. It was just Eunha, Hansol, Seungkwan, a single pink balloon, a cupcake from the bakery, and a plain hospital room. Eunha had been very lethargic the entire day, laying in her hospital bed connected to beeping machines with a red beanie hiding her lack of hair, but she still smiled when her parents sang happy birthday to her in soft voices.

Seungkwan cried that night because their baby girl deserved the world and she was only receiving dust.

 

A week after Eunha's birthday, they were at home and she was laying in bed when she started coughing uncontrollably. Seungkwan rushed to her aid, rubbing her back, tears threatening to spill because oh god, he wished he could transfer everything she was going through onto him. Hansol was just going back to work because someone had to pay for Eunha's hospital fees, so Seungkwan was alone and was 10 x more terrified when Eunha started hacking up blood.

She was rushed to the emergency room while Seungkwan frantically called Hansol, his shakes and sobs wracking his body the entire phone call.

It was clear that Eunha wasn't going to make it. The cancer was just too strong for such a small girl, her immune system got weaker and weaker and so did her soul. Seungkwan was absolutely heartbroken and Hansol was terrified when they were forced back as Eunha was taken away.

It got too much. Eunha simply couldn't fight it anymore - chemo obviously wasn't working, she's been on it for nearly a year yet her results weren't changing. They knew it was over.

On April 15th, eight days after Eunha's 5th birthday, she passed away during the night in her sleep.

Everything became a blur after that.

Hansol's heart hurt, Seungkwan constantly broke down, and things felt cold. Between the funeral and grieving as much as they could, Hansol and Seungkwan became distant. Losing their daughter of 5 sum years was really traumatic, their lives would never be the same again.

Hansol opened his eyes, thus tears slid down his cheeks and he remembered where he was. At work, a quarter to 10pm. So he packed up his things, wiping away his tears because he had to go home sometime. It's been over a month since Eunha's funeral, time was going by fast but that didn't make the pain any less numb. After Eunha's death, Hansol expected the world to become as grey as he saw it, but it doesn't work like that. The world doesn't stop for anybody, it continued as it would and it made Hansol angry. Eunha deserved the world. As Hansol drove in the dead city night, his chest kept clenching at the thought of what could have been.

Eunha wasted a year of her life in and out of hospitals only to lose in the end. She was only a child, and it was so unfair that children got sick. They were innocent, they barely held the world on their shoulders, they never got the chance to live their lives to the fullest. It was disheartening.

Hansol arrived home, parking his car on the side of the road and locking the doors as he walked up the rocky road to his front steps. Seungkwan never locked the doors when Hansol was at work, and it worried him because it was easy access for intruders but Seungkwan didn't care. So when Hansol came inside, he locked the door. The house was eerily quiet. He was still so not used to not having Eunha run up to him, a huge smile on her face as Seungkwan balanced something whether it'd be a cook book, a phone, or Eunha's toy and gave him a welcome home peck with a loving smile. Instead he came home to quietness.

Hansol was pretty sure Seungkwan was upstairs, so he closed all of the downstairs lights and climbed up the steps tiredly. He came to their shared bedroom, abruptly ignoring the door on the far end of the hallway with stickers pasted all over the white door, and found the bedroom empty. It was a bit odd. Seungkwan would usually be in bed by now. It was a bit upsetting seeing how distant they've become since Eunha's passing, but they both needed their space to grieve. Hansol still loved Seungkwan a lot.

Hansol placed his briefcase on the desk and loosened his tie around his neck before completely removing it. And then he heard it. The most disheartening, soul-wrenching sob. Coming from Eunha's bedroom.

Hansol was quick to go over, but once he stood outside of Eunha's bedroom door, he stopped dead in his tracks. He hasn't been in this room since before Eunha passed, it was too painful. But when he heard choked sobs coming from the other side, his heart clenched and he found himself slowly reaching out to grip the doorknob. He opened the door as soundless as he could, peering into the bedroom. Everything was pink and messy; pictures taped to the wall, a few toys still scattered in the corner. The sight Hansol saw really pained him.

Seungkwan was sitting on the bedroom floor, clutching a small pink blanket close to his chest as he curled into himself. It was Eunha's blanket she had since the first time she officially became their child, it was her favourite blankie and it pained Seungkwan that she wasn't buried with it - he felt like he betrayed her by keeping it. 

"Boo," Hansol tearfully whispered, walking into the bedroom and crouching next to a quivering Seungkwan who didn't budge one bit. Hansol placed comforting hands on his shaking shoulders, and Seungkwan finally looked up, his eyes red and puffy as his cheeks were. He looked so sad and so damn lost. Hansol felt like the worst husband in existence. "Boo.." Hansol repeated, more whispery and broken then he intended to.

Seungkwan's lip quivered before he burst into another fit of tears, hiding his face in the pink blankie. Hansol couldn't hold his emotions, tears streamed from his eyes as his heart desperately clenched and his throat burned. He clutched onto Seungkwan, pulling the boy closer to him. Seungkwan immediately dove into his arms, letting himself fall as he sobbed. Hansol felt like shit as he held Seungkwan, his tears soaking the older man's shirt.

"I-I," Hansol bit his lip to stop his voice from wavering. "I know we'll never be able to move on, there's-there's no getting over it. We'll be grieving for the rest of our lives, but we shouldn't be moping around. It does nothing but make things more unsettling and discomforting." Hansol tries hard to push back the wavering in his voice so he could speak clearly, and the honest truth of his words has Seungkwan shaking in his arms.

"I've been the worst. I left you here alone, which must of been painful as I could imagine, when I should've been comforting you, we're in this together. I - I'm honestly the worst, I just," Hansol's lip quivers and his eyes burn and his knees ache from kneeling on the ground. He blinks up at the ceiling and Seungkwan fists his shirt. "I just should've been here for you, Boo."

Seungkwan sniffles helplessly, lifting his head up. He looks a mess with his wet, puffy face, but Hansol still thinks he's the most beautiful man he's ever seen. "I would've liked that during the first week. Those were the hardest days. B-but, don't hate on yourself too much for that, Hansol." Seungkwan sniffles pathetically, laughing dryly.

"I felt really angry, but also immense guilt and sorrow, now I'm really sad and emotional," Seungkwan says. "You're entitled to feel how you feel, Boo. Don't make it seem like you're only supposed to feel one emotion. Grieving comes with emotions you've probably never felt before." Hansol adds in.

Seungkwan bites his lip and looks down at the pink blanket in his lap. Hansol feels utterly guilty. He was supposed to protect Eunha, he was supposed to take her and Seungkwan and hide them from the world.

"I just really miss her," Seungkwan's bottom lip quivers again as he looks up to Hansol. "I miss her too, Boo. I really do. But we'll learn to accept it. There will be a time where the fog will be lifted, and we'll always remember her and her short but beautiful life and how wonderful she was." Hansol could feel himself choking up and Seungkwan sniffs.

"Remember how Eunha loved the moon?" Hansol asks. Seungkwan laughs a bit. "Yeah. She said it was pretty, she would never stop staring at it through our window," He says, tenderly recalling the memory with a fond look in his eyes. "Well, whenever you feel lost without her, just talk to the moon. I'm pretty sure she will be able to hear you."

Seungkwan falls silent, and it takes a moment for Hansol to realize he's crying yet again once his shoulders shake. Seungkwan chokes up as he wipes away his tears with the back of his hand, Hansol sniffles and comforts the older man.

"I love you, Hansol. With all of my heart. This.. This is a hard point in our lives, I hope it's our first and last hardship, but we'll heal overtime. We'll never forget Eunha, she'll never forget us, too," Seungkwan then squeezes the pink blankie tighter in his hands and Hansol's resolve nearly tumbles. "Right, Boo. She'll never forget us and we'll never forget her. God, I love you so, so much." Hansol pulls Seungkwan into a tight hug, to which the older man returns just as tight.

As the two men hold each other on their deceased daughter's bedroom floor, fondness spreads throughout their chests and numbs their emotions for the first time since her passing.

Healing takes time, and you'll never, ever get over a death of your child, but Hansol knows they'll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: jjigyu , talk to me!!


End file.
